Creativity

and why my next book won’t be done when I said it would

This will be a weekly-ish newsletter, because honestly, the consistency and pressure of a weekly, doesn’t feel good to my creativity. My creativity hates deadlines. My creativity hates rules. My creativity hates obligation. I have learned not to try and force my creativity to do stuff it doesn’t want to do. It won’t do it anyway.

My creativity and I are best friends. I love that it won’t be bullied or controlled in any way. Every single time I try to make it fit in a timeline or a box, it firmly reminds me that it’s simply not going at it. I can either let it do what it wants, or I can be frustrated with trying to make it do otherwise. Those are my only two choices if I want creativity in my life, because she has some solid boundaries, and she isn’t negotiating on them.

I am working on my second book that will be called Dark Corners. This book is a powerful project that I truly believe is going to change how divorce and separation is handled completely. It is my story of navigating a very damaging separation from my ex. It dives deep into the legal aspects, the financial aspects, the parenting aspects, and the severe mental health implications. It is a needed perspective, both by the people navigating similar situations, and for those in fields that are meant to support people through it.

I am so excited for this book to be in the world! It also just isn’t ready yet. I thought the end of my story was when I got full custody of my children last winter. I thought it would be done months before now and I’ve been pretty frustrated with myself for not meeting this deadline I set for myself. The truth is, the book isn’t done because it’s not meant to be done yet. Finishing a story about this section of my life while I’m not finished living it, is a little silly. My creativity knows this. I’ve been trying to force the issue, and I’ve finally just admitted that my creativity doesn’t care at all about my impatience. There is no deadline for when this book will be complete. I can’t make there be one. I admit defeat. There are new insights and information being added still. I’m glad I didn’t cut off my creativity in the name of a made up deadline. This book would not be what it needs to be without these new and important realizations. I also know there are more to come as I finish the last few steps of this ridiculously long legal process.

So, to anyone who I told I’d have this done soon, I’m sorry. I won’t. Creativity won’t let me and creativity is the boss of this book. It’s also the boss of my life, really, and I’m perfectly ok with it. Doing what creativity wants, actually lines up with all the things I want. Anything I might decide is more important than what creativity wants, is usually just societal expectations that don’t serve me anyway.

My creativity loves inspiration and new perspectives.

My creativity loves my emotions.

My creativity loves busting limiting beliefs.

My creativity loves novelty and adventure.

My creativity loves when I know how loved and valuable I am and that it isn’t dependent on anything I do.

My creativity loves deep conversations.

My creativity loves ease, rest and unstructured time.

My creativity loves nature and sensory delicious things.

Mostly, My creativity loves when I make time to play with it by pulling out my notebook.

Giving it what it wants isn’t necessarily encouraged in our society. Part of building our relationship is selfishly prioritizing it anyway. In return, creativity has shifted how I view myself, what I believe, how I act, who I interact with, and a thousand other things. Slowing down a little and having some fun, is a small price to pay for all that reward. The things I created are just a happy by-product of the empowering dance with creativity that I love to do.

I hope you make some time today to invite creativity in and that you’re really kind while you play with it. It won’t stay if you’re being mean to it. Those beautifully, fierce boundaries won’t allow it. Oh! And don’t try to tell your creativity what it needs to look like to be ‘good.’ It hates that more than it hates my ridiculous deadlines 😉

Dawn